Valentine's Day is the perfect time to ask: What's love for? The age-old answer, of course, has been marriage. (And the purpose of marriage, of course, is to produce kids.)
This infographic from GOOD and the Pew Research Center blows that truism to bits. Simply put, marriage is increasingly irrelevant to the choices that people make with their partners, whether that's living together, raising kids, or generally living happily ever after.
It's no surprise that there are a growing number of single-parent families, and that people are getting and staying married at lower and lower rates. But you might be surprised at how vertiginous the trend is. For example, the number of households composed of a spouse and children has cratered: In 1960 it was 47% and now it's just 27%; in that same period, the number of people over 18 who are married has gone from 72% to 52%:
Notice that little yellow bar chart at the bottom: The number of children living with an unmarried parent has risen from 3.8 million to 4.5 million in just eight years.
But what continues to surprise is just who exactly is getting married. Once upon a time, in the 1960s, marriage was seen as a way for working-class couples to bootstrap themselves into the middle-class, thanks to the cost-savings associated with sharing a house. And among the educated, marriage was seen as a gilded cage for bourgeois women.
Today, curiously, the educated are the ones who seem to cling most dearly to marriage, while the less educated appear to be abandoning the institution post haste. Among those with a high-school diploma or less, marriage rates have fallen from 69% to 48% in the last 50 years, as the line chart to the bottom left shows. Meanwhile, the chart in the upper right shows that cohabiting (i.e., unmarried) couples have doubled in just 18 years, to 6.2 million.
Now, you might adduce that the trend against marriage is associated with some kind of social breakdown--that we're all pining for traditional family values. Certainly, this is what much conservative rhetoric has been dedicated to in the past, especially in regards to the gay-marriage debate.
But the fact is that only 29% of people think that the profusion of modern living arrangements is a bad thing--a whopping 66% think it's either a good thing, or that it makes no difference. Which is probably the most telling stat of all: Marriage isn't just dying away because of the pressures of modern life and the inability of people to commit. It's dying because people fail to see its importance.
COMMENTARY: I want marriage to die as soon as possible, because the vow, "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." has no meaning anymore. Here's why.
The majority of husbands and wives cheat. It's a fact. Sometimes spouses have extra-marital affairs with the approval of the other spouse. That's actually not a bad idea. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. After the first year or so, sex becomes routine and it's no longer very pleasurable. Spouses want to get the obligatory act over and done with as soon as possible.
The above statistics do not surprise me at all. What is really incredible is that many individuals don't want gay couples to enjoy the same rights of marriage (and divorce). Some couples claim that gay marriage is tearing the very fabric of marriage, and religious types say "the Bible forbids marriage or intercourse between members of the same sex". What bigotry. If you ask me, heterosexual married couples are doing a pretty good job of tearing the institute of marriage themselves.
I blame societal pressures: lousey jobs, working overtime, too damn many kids, loss of a job, the rise of gas and food prices, too many distractions (i.e. iPads, iPods, iPhones, Facebook, Twitter,YouTube and thousands of porn sites) that do not allow couples an opportunity to develop a balanced and happy marriage. Boredom eventually sets in. You know that I am right about this. Yes, you do. Don't lie.
The helpless victims of broken marriage are the little ones. 50% of marriages end in divorce within five years. Half of them have young children in the household. The breakup occurs when children are the most emotionally vulnerable. The little ones ask, "Why is mommy and daddy fighting?" and "Why can't mommy (or daddy) live together anymore?" Couples fight over custody. They fight over community property. They fight over the family pet. They fight over the car or SUV. The only winners are the attorney's who represent the spouses in a divorce proceeding. And, it seems that the fighting continues for years after the divorce. Husbands are often cheated out of visitation time with the kids. Wives bitch about that child support check or electronics fund transfer that did not arrive in the mail when it was supposed to. And, crazy as it sounds, former spouces get jealous if you bring your new love interest over to visit the kids.
Having said all of this, I think the solution is really quite simple. Don't get married. If you co-habitate, make sure you are not doing it solely for self-interest like sexual pleasures. Love at first sight is just a theory. That wears out too, and probably quicker than being married.
If you didn't breakup before Christmas or Valentine's Day, you missed your window. Checkout my prior blogs on why marriage is disappearing and how to breakup, for some great advice. It's good reading, people.
On the otherhand, if you are looking for a partner and own an Apple product (i.e. iPad, iPod, iMac, etc.) and would like to hookup with someone who is like minded and doesn't use a PC or Microsoft product, check out Cupidtino. Some Indian entrepreneur dude seems to think Apple evangelists need this service. Jobs, see what you created. On the other hand, if you are on the prowl, eager to find a mate for a longterm relatinship or someone for a "one night stand", and want to find "hot spots" check HERE. Yes, there's an app for that too.
I'm not making any money off of this, people. I am only trying to help you out before you make a relationship or marriage mistake. Please, share this information with your friends. They will thank you for it.
Courtesy of an article dated February 14, 2011 appearing in Fast Company Design
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